Do NOT say/do this!!!!

I have breast cancer, I had surgery to remove it and now I am going through radiation treatment. The treatment is getting to me and I am tired, bone-tired (for the first time in my life I understand what bone-tired feels like), I struggle to do things. I sleep, but this tiredness doesn’t necessarily disappear after a good night’s sleep. The fancy word is fatigue. And it appears suddenly, without warning – one moment I have energy and I feel good and the next moment I am exhausted, all my energy gone. As if my body had enough and needs to rest and recharge

Do not tell me to be POSITIVE when I tell you how I feel. Don’t tell me to be positive when I say I am scared and sad and tired. Because, if I had energy, the only thing I know is that I positively feel like slapping you!!!!! I am positive, for heaven’s sake, but I am also sad and tired and scared. I have those feelings and although I am positive I can get through this and get better, I am scared that it is still inside my body, I am sad because I am so tired and can’t do what I want to do. Even my mouth feels tired

Don’t tell me I don’t have cancer because they removed it all when I had surgery. If I am so cancer-free why do I have to go through radiation? Please understand, I will never be ‘cancer-free’ for the rest of my life. Yes, maybe there will be no bad cells left in my body after surgery and radiation……but in my mind I will always have cancer. I will go for tests on a regular basis, I will take medication for the next five to ten years. And, for every ache and pain, I will immediately think ‘is it back?’. So DO NOT tell me I don’t have cancer anymore

If you don’t want to know how I really feel, DON’T ASK me. Because at this stage I am not hiding my feelings or emotions or how I feel. If I say I feel good, don’t look at me with the puppy eyes and the pity – I am not pretending I don’t have cancer – I am really fine!!!!! And if I don’t feel good and you ask, I will tell you because I have learnt to be honest and I have learnt to share. Maybe you don’t want me to share, but if you ask……be ready to listen

This is a horrible disease and it is a horrible journey. I am positive, but I am honest too and my feelings aren’t always positive and I am allowed to feel like that. Please allow me to be me and to travel this journey however best it is for me

 

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2 thoughts on “Do NOT say/do this!!!!”

  1. I agree, you should be allowed to be honest with yourself and with others. I still feel tired, just as you do, with no notice. One minute I’m feeling fine, the next I am exhausted and I didn’t even have to endure the tortures you are. Be honest and if others don’t like it, let them walk a mile in your shoes!!

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